June 11, 2007

The Sopranos Finale

Filed under: 100 Days of Summer,Decrees!,Idiot Box — Katrina @ 8:56 pm

I hereby decree…

The final episode of The Sopranos was GREAT!!!!

Some endings should tie up all loose ends, but this just totally threw that out the window. Hehehe. To have an ending so bizarre and confusing yet doing it in such a way that you’re happy with it… that takes talent! And, despite what a lot of idiots have been saying, this was done very well. I am pleased.

Of course, I realize some people don’t like the mystery of the weird ending. Wasn’t much indication of what happens later on. Those people need to shut the hell up, I guess (but this entry is already a Decree, don’t feel like mixing it with another type, hehe). But maybe I should appease them. So, for your delight and for a sense of closure, those of you pissed off at the ambiguity of the final episode of The Sopranos will be happy to know that right here I will supply you with the fates of all the beloved characters from this hallowed HBO drama. (And I’ll place the “more” thing here as a spoiler blocker, since this will be spoilers for those who haven’t seen it yet and actually care, though if at this point you haven’t heard already from like every media outlet, kudos)

-When Tony looks up at that very last scene, he sees Meadow walk in, but then that guy in the bathroom comes out and approaches Tony and is like “Dude, you’re Tony Soprano! Want to have gay sex in the bathroom?” And Tony is like “Nah, I’m already going to have gay sex with Little Paulie.” and then that guy turns up later lying in a street with a bullet in his eye.

-The cat is actually Agent Harris in his Animagus form, and he just thinks Christopher was hot.

-Meadow marries Patrick Parisi, but then they change their names to Mr. and Mrs. Mike Smith and they sell tomatoes in Utah.

-AJ buys his bike back from those guys and tells them to continue bothering Blanca. But on his way home, the ghost of his burnt SUV runs him over, then he becomes a werewolf.

-A headless Phil Leotardo haunts that gas station forever. Cleaver perhaps?

-Silvio Dante remains in a coma for 20 years, in which he is having fantasies in which he is looking to whack some guy named Kevin Finnerty, and when he wakes up, he’s being probed by aliens.

-Sophia and Domenica Baccalieri run away from Janice and get in on the daytime talkshow circuit.

-Carlo Gervasi was going to testify against Tony for a lot of bad stuff, but one day he saw a butterfly and decided to chase it, and then fell off a cliff.

-Ginny Sacrimoni has enough of life and sticks her head in the oven, but not before bequeathing her body to feed the entire country of Ethiopia.

-Vito Spatafore Jr. returns from his behavior modification camp after many many grueling, torturous months, and joins the NYRA forums to tell us all about his experience.

-Paulie Gaultieri sees the Virgin Mary again but she turns out to be a pile of rags.

-Tony’s younger sister Barbara just sort of remains the same.

-Caitlyn Moltisanti learns, at age 12, that she’s the granddaughter of the famous Dicky Moltisanti and grooms herself to be a major mob boss. She’s eventually the American version of that Annalisa chick in Italy.

-The Russian guy wasn’t real. Paulie and Christopher were imagining him.

-Carmela builds three houses, but then goes on to building hotels, and starts charging $1200 a night to stay at the one she has on Marvin Gardens.

-Junior finally remembers where he buried his stash… Grassy Knoll.

-Dr. Melfi gets drunk one night and drives really fast and then hits and kills a pedestrian… Jesus Rossi.

-Artie Bucco eventually admits that he had set the stable fire that killed Tony’s horse, in revenge for his restaurant.

And finally…

-Rocks fall. Everybody dies.

There. There’s some fucking closure! How was that? Should the ending have been like that? Think about that for a moment. Would that have been a great ending? No? That’s what I thought. Now shut the fuck up.

Final Sopranos episode = EPIC WIN!!!!

This has been Day 19 of the 100 Days of Summer, Round 7.

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