Sure, Why Not?

Now, for a warm and special Yuletide edition of…

SHUT THE HELL UP!

Chances are, this time of year, or within a few weeks of any Christian holiday for that matter, some self-righteous know-it-all will pipe up with “Christians stole everything from Pagans!” Oh, you hear them go through all kinds of stuff. Jesus is a rip off of Mithras. Christmas trees are a Pagan thing. December 25 was some Roman holiday with drunken debauchery and gay sex. Yule is a Pagan holiday, yet associated with Christmas for some reason. Jesus could not possibly have been born in December. Oh, yes, said wise one (read: insecure prick) will point out that just about anything involving Christmas or other Christian holidays… oh, hell with it, Christmas and Easter, rather… that they have nothing to do with their own religions but just stole stuff from other religions and try to pass it off as their own. They try to use this as an attack on Christianity.

But I ask one thing of these people.

So what?

Is this “new” knowledge supposed to make us give up our religion? Is it supposed to make us totally change our celebration plans in December? Should be abandon our own beliefs and join yours? Seriously, what the hell are you expecting from this “enlightenment” that we already know from history class?

More to the point, so what if common Christmas traditions originated from Pagan stuff? What’s wrong with that? So maybe some lesser known culture practiced something that has been converted to a Christmas thing. Tell me. Where exactly is there anything wrong here? Where was something “stolen”?

So the holly was a Celtic symbol that Christians have made into a symbol for Jesus (just listen to the carol “The Holly and the Ivy”). Do the Celts have some kind of legal ownership of the genus Ilex? Only they may consider it meaningful in any way? Please. Christians revering the holly does not take a damn thing away from the Celts. Not only is the holly still a Celtic symbol, regardless of what any other groups do with it, but haven’t they noticed that Christians paying attention to the holly like this has increased its popularity?

I mean, isn’t the joyous and sharing spirit of the season turning into saying “that was mine first, you can’t have it!”? Is the spiritual meaning of the holly less important than making sure everybody knows the Celts revered it first?

Christmas is about sharing. Just about every non-Christian I know still puts up a Christmas tree. They still exchange gifts on December 25. And, yes, I’m aware Jesus was actually born sometime between March and October. But December 25, regardless of reason, is when we’re choosing to celebrate His birth, so shut the fuck up and deal with it. Oh, it’s actually Mithras Day? Well, good for Mithras. Send him a card or something. I’m sure he invited Jesus to his birthday party, and they’re up there in heaven having a good laugh about the confusion. Good times had by all.

My birthday is in May, but if you all wanted to celebrate it in September, I really wouldn’t care. I still get a celebration, and I rule. Jesus rules a zillion times more than I do, so I guarantee you that He wouldn’t care that we’re celebrating His birthday off a few months. Shit, He’s probably just glad anyone remembers Him at all.

I might also mention a tradition on my birthday is to eat cake. Oh, no. I stole birthday cake from other traditions before me. I can’t have birthday cake because the tradition did not originate with me. I stole it.

You see, the more you actually look into the Pagans’ pussy ass complaints about Christians “stealing” their traditions and rituals, the more retarded this gets. What are they trying to prove? Want recognition that wreaths were yours first? Great. Have a sugar cookie. It’s shaped like a Santa hat. And I thank you for creating something that has grown to enhance a peaceful, joyful annual celebration. Which you are totally invited to join.