July 14, 2006

Grocery Store

Filed under: 100 Days of Summer,Rants — Katrina @ 7:23 pm

So I’m at Safeway this morning picking up a couple of things for lunch before I head on over to work. The grocery store is surprisingly busy for 7:30am. Not packed or anything, but a few dozen people I’d say. It’s more evident since so early they only have one cashier open. And there’s always a long ass line.

Ever see this crap? You’re standing in this long line waiting to buy like two items, and the cashier, the only cashier, is taking forever. Sometimes it is his/her own fault. Other times it’s the customer being a dumbass. It’s usually the cashier, though. Either way, you glance over and see like five employees just standing around chatting. Your line is reaching practically to the back of the store, and these assholes are just clucking away mindlessly at each other.

If we’re lucky, the working cashier might finally announce on the cute little microphone that they need another checker. Well, good. Whatever made you think of that when your line is longer than Splash Mountain’s in July? Idiot.

Okay, so the line is a bit shorter. Look at my watch. It’s 7:52. Fuck. I’m going to be late. Takes me about six to eight minutes to make the walk from there to my job. Luckily the place doesn’t keep very strict hours. I don’t have to be there at eight in the morning sharp. I can come in at eight-ish. My job rules. Well, okay, I’d prefer nine-ish, but whatever. But being late still sucks, and there I was with two cans of Beefaroni and a crappy little Celeste pizza, having to look at mind-numbing tabloids about Prince Charles or Oprah, or the not-specifically-called-tabloids-but-just-as-stupid general interest magazines that pry into celebrities’ lives like they’re fucking pirates who just found a big ass treasure chest. Seriously, I don’t give a fuck if Jennifer Aniston looks pregnant. It’s a sad thing in this country that so many people actually do care, therefore these stupid ass things sell. Fuck them. I don’t give a shit. She could be pregnant with octuplets from eight different fathers, including relatives of hers, high school students, major politicians, or orangutans. Couldn’t care less. And if you care, you’re a fucking moron.

Finally! I get to the cashier. Okay, now here’s where it gets tricky. Turns out my crappy little pizza is on sale. Well, in the three months I’ve worked near this store, I never did get around to get one of their stupid club cards. No, I’m not going to rant about club cards in general now. They are ridiculous, yes, but they have been ranted about to death. They suck. We get it. Although they have a nice purpose of showing just how ridiculous Safeway is. I only just thought about it today that Safeway has got to be the bitchiest store about their stupid club cards ever. Giant? Yeah, they have the bonus cards but don’t really give a shit if you have yours with you, they’ll give you the sale price anyway. Super Fresh? I went in there without one and said I didn’t have one, and the cashier then just handed me one and said “Here you go. You have one now.” Cool. CVS? Same sort of thing. Didn’t actually give me one, but when I got up there with an assload of items, they just used one they had sitting there by the counter. Now those stores are cool about it. Safeway? Noooo. Fine, I’m okay with just paying the full price anyway. Whatever. I’d like to get out of there sometime today. They aren’t cool like the other stores, but fine. But then you get some cashiers there who are insistent. You just can’t say you don’t have a card and just pay the full price and go on your merry way. They go and ask “What’s your phone number? What’s your friend’s phone number?” Ugh. Leave me alone!

First time this happened was a few years ago. I had gone into one Safeway to just grab one thing, and it happened to be on sale. I get to the cashier and she asks “What’s your phone number?” I give it to her, and she’s like “You don’t have a card.” and I’m like “Yeah, I know.” But then she’s like “Well, give me a friend’s phone number or something.” And I just sort of go “Uh, well, uh..” and she’s getting all impatient. I finally just have to insist I just pay the thing and be on my way, because this shit is annoying. Then she makes some remark like “You could have saved some money, but fine!” Bitch.

Now, back to this morning. There’s this guy in front of me paying for his stuff. Cashier guy asks for his phone number, and he gives it to him. Cashier says the phone number isn’t in their system, so then he asks “What’s your mother’s phone number?” And the guy is like “My mother passed away!” Cashier is like “My condolences. Well, what was her phone number? Where she used to live?” And the guy, looking appropriately taken aback, says something like “My father lives around here still.” and he gives his father’s phone number. Cashier punches it in and is like “Nope, we don’t have that one either. What’s your mother-in-law’s phone number?” The guy gives that number, and that one finally works and the guy gets his discount. But damn dude!

Then I realize that I’m next, about to purchase an item that is on sale but I do not have a club card. Crap. So I step forward, and he scans my measly three items. Then he’s like “Okay, swipe your card.” And I’m like “I don’t have one.” Then he’s like “What’s your phone number?” And I’m like “My number won’t be in your system, I’ve never had one.” And sure enough, he asks “What’s your mother’s number?” I stayed silent for a moment, trying to come up with a suitable answer. Finally, I just say “You know what? Don’t go there!” I think he got it at that point to quit asking, so he then just said “Okay, $5.01 is your total.” and I paid and went on my way.

I got to work at 8:05am. Meh.

Safeway can go to hell.

Oh, and their selection sucks. I mean, their selection is actually worse than Giant, and that is pretty fucking bad!

So, yeah, Safeway sucks.

Grocery stores suck.

Tabloids suck.

Dallas sucks.

Go Redskins.

This has been Day 52 of the 100 Days of Summer, Round 6.


  1. What’s your mother’s phone number? I want to know. Seriously.

    Comment by The Last Unicorn — July 16, 2006 @ 11:20 am

  2. Hi, so i was just browsing on the web and just happened to run across this. Ironically, I just quit working at a grocery store and left a legacy of everything I hated about it. So here’s the other end of the string…..

     Being on a regular register
     Kids that play with the pedals
     Not enough spray bottles or paper towels
     WIC checks
     Kids that try to bag
     When you scan something twice, remove it, and the customer asks why you scanned it 3 times
     Kids that point to their parents that your line is open
     Rainchecks
     Cash control
     Kids on those heely shoes
     When we’re put on reg. 20
     Little kids that stare at you
     Having to ask to go to the bathroom
    When the customer…
     Fights over a coupon that is definitely not valid
     doesn’t respond when you say something to them
     talks on their cell phone while you’re ringing them up
     is perfectly capable of bagging and they stand there and tell you how to do it
     freaks out when they didn’t know they are on BAG YOUR OWN
     is on BAG YOUR OWN and doesn’t pay you until they are done bagging
     doesn’t speak English
     gives you a coupon after you’ve already rung them up
     counts change on the belt and leaves it there
     asks for paper and plastic
     tells you not to make it too heavy (especially after asking for paper and plastic)
     don’t want a $5+ item after it’s scanned
     brings more than 10 items in express
     has an order that never ends
     asks for a carton of cigarettes right after you’ve fixed your light
     asks for a pack of cigarettes
     asks if you can run and get them something
     can’t find the pen to the CC machine
     spells out their last name
     on a wheelchair or motorized cart come on BAG YOUR OWN
     burps right in front of your face (ha ha Shannon)
     sees you cleaning and still comes to your line
     asks for the receipt even though it’s only been two seconds since they used the CC machine
     tells you debit or credit and they don’t need to
     tries to steal something (leaves something at the bottom of the cart)
     has to go back in the store to get something
     freaks out if they don’t give you their price plus card right in the beginning of the order
     doesn’t know how many produce they have or even what it is
     wants paper and plastic after you bag
     stands there and lets their kids cry
     hands you money while your in the middle of bagging
     asks if the sale came up even though it’s right there on the computer screen
     doesn’t put dividers between the orders
     has a million coupons for 3 items
     doesn’t know English until it comes to dealing with their money
     asks if your open when you’re standing there with your light on
     leaves their stuff in the basket and expects you to empty it
     hands you their credit card
     asks for double bag with plastic
     think that the amount you save is the price of the item
     doesn’t take out all the diff. Variety of soda
     brings their own bottled drink and you don’t know if it’s really theirs
     laughs at their own jokes (and their not funny)
     has a bad attitude
     “Can you wipe off the belt?”
     “Can you not throw the items in the bag?”
     “Make the belt stop!”
     “I forgot my money in the car”
     “Did you give me my keys back?”
     “hold on, let me separate my order”
     “What time do you close?”
     old men that flirt with you
     men tell you to smile (especially if your having a bad day)

    Comment by Katie — July 23, 2006 @ 9:57 pm

  3. Oh, my damn! Wow. That’s quite a list there. Yeah, that job sucks.

    Except for your complaints involving kids. Yeah, I have no sympathy for you there. Sorry.

    Comment by Katrina — July 23, 2006 @ 10:51 pm

  4. I noticed kids.

    Comment by Amy — May 19, 2007 @ 10:34 pm

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