June 5, 2006

It’s Nobody’s Fault It Rained

Filed under: 100 Days of Summer,Rants — Katrina @ 6:25 pm

But it’s your own damn fault for being a dumbass.

Yes, you are a dumbass for a vast, vast, vast number of reasons I don’t have the life expectancy to get into, so let’s just delve into the one I’m thinking of.

How often have you complained or heard someone complain about the weather forecast? Every once in a while, some cretin will come along and for some unknown God forsaken reason will think it is at all original or humorous to bitch that the meteorologists were wrong.

“Why do they get paid for being wrong? Why are they such liars? I’d get fired if I were so inaccurate at my job! I hate weather forecasters! Can’t rely on them! I wish they wouldn’t bother reporting!”

Oh, my good God. Shut the fuck up! Next person who says anything along these lines is getting set on fire and fed to my cat. Oh, it rained when the weather report said it wouldn’t? Well, I have news for you. You’re too fucking stupid to realize weather reporters aren’t psychics! It’s not a million percent accurate portrayal of the future. Shit, if anyone had that kind of power, we could be using it for way better shit than finding out what the relative humidity will be tomorrow morning. No. What is a weather forecast? It is an educated guess of what might occur meteorologically based on what the current weather patterns and whatnot dictate. Does that mean stuff from that will definitely happen? Hell, no. Lots of different shit could happen based on how the weather patterns are looking right now. It’s not perfect. You’re an imbecile if you think it is or even should be (you’re an imbecile anyway, but whatever). But seeing as having at least some idea of what tomorrow’s weather will be like has proven very useful, this is the best we’ve got.

And don’t give me this shit that they should be fired or that the weather report is a waste of time. If something three times the strength of my windy namesake that tore up New Orleans last year is heading this way, I’d like to fucking know about it. So I can grab my stuff and high-tail it to Chicago or something, hehe. Hurricane won’t think of looking for me there!

Finally, let’s not forget that despite the occasional faults in the weather report, it is still by several orders of magnitude the most truthful thing in the local six o’clock news.

This has been Day 13 of the 100 Days of Summer, Round 6.

5 Comments

  1. Yeah…meterologists definitely aren’t infallible. They’re hypotheses…it just means that there’s a good chance that whatever meterological event might happen, not that it’s definite.

    Comment by Jesu — June 6, 2006 @ 3:34 pm

  2. The weatherman sucks balls. I never even watch the weather. I prefer to rely on my awesomeness to keep me dry as the rain does not dare to touch one so great as me 😀

    Comment by Galen — June 7, 2006 @ 2:02 pm

  3. How’s that going? 😛

    Comment by Katrina — June 7, 2006 @ 6:27 pm

  4. I was reading about the weather forecast thingy in either Imponderables or How Do They Do That?, I don’t remember which, and at the time it was published the weather people had an eighty-five percent accuracy rate. (I don’t remember when it was published, but it was at least ten years ago, so I’m sure the accuracy has gone up.) They check a variety of factors like the cloud cover, wind speed, humidity, et cetera, find similar days in their databases, and see what the likelihood of, say, rain is based on how many times similar weather conditions led to rain.
    So, Galen, you’re like some kind of Anti-Rain God, on top of everything else? Too bad there’s no stupidity-repelling powers to go with it…

    Comment by Gwen — June 10, 2006 @ 4:54 pm

  5. If he had the power to repel himself, what would happen?

    Comment by maxh — August 1, 2008 @ 1:01 am

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