February 17, 2006

This Is How Movies Should NOT Advertise

Filed under: Idiot Box,Rants — Katrina @ 5:19 pm

There’s three fundamental annoying kinds of movie ads that I think we could all do without. They tell us nothing about the movie. They treat us all like we’re stupid (granted, that’s appropriate for most people but not for smart people like, you know, yours truly). They go out of their way to focus on shit that has nothing to do with the movie in any way, shape, or form.

The first of these types is the ad in which random people from the theatre are talking about how much they loved the movie. Oh, yes. Because when I just cannot decide for sure whether I want to see some crappy movie or not, I must be reassured by the movie producers filming some kids standing outside the theatre imitating the sillier lines from the flick. Maybe some folks my age singing or humming the theme song. Please, little girl, I want to know how you felt after a scene in this movie that I know nothing about having never seen it. Because you, a random stranger, thought it was so moving and sweet, that makes me want to blow nine bucks and three hours of my life on this thing. Thank you very much. Although you’re appearing in a commercial for the movie, you must be an impartial source, right? 🙄

Then there’s the second type, although perhaps it should tie in more with the first since they’re very similar and often occur in the same ad. It’s when you get a nice bit of footage of inside the theatre while the movie is playing, night vision and everything. But what is the footage of? The movie? Oh, no! Instead, somehow you’re supposed to want to see the movie even more by glancing at how the audience fucking reacts to scenes! Not that you can see the scenes yourself due to the angle of the camera, but instead, let’s send you to see a movie based entirely on how a theatre full of people gasp at a scene. Well, there’s something. Something in this movie just might make you gasp. You’d better be careful. You just might gasp at how fucking lame the movie was.

The third type you see for animated movies. They’ll tell you what famous actor is doing the voice of a character, but somehow they think you don’t quite believe them (about the one time they will think this!). Therefore, you get a shot of the sound studio, with said actor sitting there with headphones on and microphone in front of him, belting out the lines. Yes. Thank you. I needed to be sure that’s who was doing the voice. As if I actually gave a shit.

Oh, wait! Just thought of another annoying type of movie ad I almost forgot about. I give this one a bit of credit since it actually does involve showing clips from the film, but not that it does much good. You see, because the producers decided to for some reason spend $100 million on special effects alone, that’s what they’ve got to show off. That and the fact that Tom Cruise is in the movie, but seeing as no one would give a shit about that, they show off the special effects. They show only the most beautiful looking explosions or disasters or fires or whatever else. Especially an explosion-esque effect in Apollo 13 that when you watch the movie you find out it’s them expelling urine into outer space. Isn’t it beautiful? And expensive! Basically, the producers are saying they blew all this money on these pointless aesthetics and are now begging to make that money back. Sad part is, opening weekend, they usually do by a wide margin.

Similar to that is what animated Disney movies like to do. They like to give the impression that their films are somehow mystical and awe inspiring. Case in point, Atlantis. In their ads for that when it first came out in theatres, they always showed this one part where Milo is staring into a treasure chest or something that’s emitting a greenish glow, while you hear that girl (I forget her name) whisper “The kings of our past”. Oooh, mysterious…… not.

Is there some reason movies can’t just show a few nice clips of the movie accompanied with a very brief synopsis? Well, no, I guess they don’t want to risk funds by actually giving anybody any idea whatsoever what the fucking movie is supposed to be about. How silly of me.

Of course, I have to admit, there was one movie commercial from like nine or so years ago that, even though it didn’t give much info about the movie itself, was rather clever. It was for Men In Black. Will Smith appears and says something like “For those of you who have already seen Men In Black…” then he flashes that memory eraser thing from the film at the camera, “Go see it again. For the first time.” Hehehe. That was cute.

But, yeah, next time I see an ad for a movie that violates any of the above rules, person nearest me is getting stabbed in the eyes! Or stabbed in the ears with my rant. Whatever.


  1. So the piss being released into space was really symbolic of the money the filmmakers pissed away in the making that shot? 😉

    Comment by Anduwaithe — February 20, 2006 @ 12:38 am

  2. Hehehe. Yeah! Hadn’t thought of that. 💡

    Comment by Katrina — February 20, 2006 @ 12:51 am

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